Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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