6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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