Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
