My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
