Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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