she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize