You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
