Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
how does that bad decision feel?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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