Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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