there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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