I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
