wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
