Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
