"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
