So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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