Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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