You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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