i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So squirting runs in the family.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I will pee on everything he values.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
