real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize