just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
