your room smells of hookers.
And success
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize