I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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