I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
