o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
