You made me cry and you don't even care
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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