Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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