Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
