I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
