omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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