When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we're making bets on your personal life
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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