Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
