I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
