I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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