I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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