I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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