It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
