If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
