I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
