If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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