I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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