Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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