Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize