Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
