It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
