I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize