i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize