Sry I called you an 8
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
