im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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