Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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