I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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