ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
