I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
