He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i don't like sucking hair
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
