I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
