I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
