You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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