can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
