In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
