dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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