So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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