were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
