cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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