I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
pop tarts are not kleenex
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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