see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize