Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
