So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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