Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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