how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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