he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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