I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
