I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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