Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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