Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
