it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
