I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize