If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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