that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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