omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
