just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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