white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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