Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
