I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude i'm inner monologue high
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
