life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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