I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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