these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize