Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
