the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You have to summon your inner elephant
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
