You're so nebulous sometimes
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
my poor anus
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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