I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
