Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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