She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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