i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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