My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You're a waste of cheezeits
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
