WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
