Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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