I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think i got beer on your cat.
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