you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
