She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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