I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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