put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i dont even know how to be here
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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