You don't have asthma, your pregnant
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
