Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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