I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I have post one night stand depression
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