All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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