I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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