I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
