My pussy is not your playground.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
