you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
