I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
